RELATE IN THE SHIP!
Getting along with people can be fun and challenging especially when we do not know much about the person. Relationships are hard to build over time because it involves commitment, intentional attention, sacrifices and sometimes transformation. A lot of persons spend their time, trying to find the ‘right’ person believing that all will be perfect when they do. WRONG! What makes a fairy tale relationship isn’t lack of challenges, problems, quarrels and even threat of breakups; but the presence of these things which both parties come together to overcome together, acknowledging that they are two people with different dreams, aspirations and interests but choosing to agree together. Cinderella and prince charming stood the test of loosing each other. They both overcame by prince charming, going through the stress of using a leg of shoe to trace her. Do you have any idea how many girls he had to see before getting to her; still he had to go from house to house searching individually; abandoning other royal responsibilities, while Cinderella had to hide that shoe in a house where she had no privacy or belongings. The frog prince had to carry a ball bigger than him out of a deep well; while his future queen had to risk infection and mockery by kissing him. What if the spell wasn’t broken? All fairy tale relationships have challenges in one form or another. It’s okay to daydream of what you want; but don’t be stupid to think that diamonds in pure form are clean and sparkly and shaped? Someone had to do all these things to the dirty carbon form; but it takes one who is really in search of diamonds to recognize one in its natural form.
I like to describe relationships as two people on a ship/boat. They need the winds to take them to their destination and make their voyage worthwhile; sometimes peaceful to give them pleasant feelings reminding them of why they are both on that ship together and not with someone else; some with unkind forces that bang seriously on the body of their boat testing its durability; others so strong destroying the sails and almost everything in sight hereby exposing them to harsh weather conditions, testing how much they both can survive together( working together). As the ships/ boats undertake different voyages, and encounter different challenges which afterwards require maintenance and repair of the boat either on the water or have to get to land to fix (some relationships require fixing while together, while others require a break to seek professional help to fix). In this ship, there are two parties; the captain and the crew; the male as the captain and female as the crew. Funny as it may sound, the captain knows the plans and the way, but requires the help of the crew to get there safely. He relies on their hard work and special skills; takes care of their welfare and takes advice as the time goes on. He puts the crew first and never leaves or abandons the ship or boat despite what happens.
Now if you don’t like the captain, whether you like the swagger of the ship and its destination, do not get on that ship! Because unless you are ready to sail the whole journey with the captain taking others and delivering reports that will help the voyage, you need not be on that ship! Again if you do not like the destination, the captain is headed, do not also get on board thinking that you would in one way or the other convince him to set sail for a different course. This applies to those people with different belief system that are parallel with each other, ridiculously thinking that they can convince them that their own belief system is better off; and try to change them to suit their own selfish personal convenience. Do not let “love” blind your senses; two people coming together should make each other better and stronger because while would you want to go through all these enhancement and sacrifices when you think you are better alone?
Tips to keep a relationship going
- Communication-before you jump on that boat, establish a means of communication. Let the other person know when you’re busy and available. Guys make that call and send those text messages. A lazy captain will not make it in the high seas (that is if he ever sets sail). Ladies love and appreciate a man whom despite his tight schedule calls and sends texts messages; it shows how much you really are into the whole thing and also gives the impression that you care and they cross your mind. After all how can you claim to love someone you barely call? Of course she knows that she crosses your mind, but it’s a wasted effort if you don’t tell her and make her understand by letting her know through words and actions. Besides if you don’t learn to do it now, you are going to have problems in the future when you might be far away or even more busy than present; then she might start feeling that out of sight is out of mind for you. Always keep in touch with each other; saying it out in one way or the other. Let the other person know what you are up to so that they can know they are important, help in instances where necessary and establish a state of trust. Never let your partner hear of your plans from a third-party, even if the person is your best friend. Let your secret be a secret; no telling to a third person even when you make them swear not to tell anyone the news will get to you telling you not to tell the same person you made swear.
- No assumptions most men like to assume that they are the only one with relevant future plans; if you open up a woman’s brain, you would be amazed of the plenty realistic plans she has and 99% of these are achievable. Not all women will slow you down by trying to get you down to commit via pregnancy and other wise; you may not even get to your destination unless a woman helps you. Girls never assume that all his friends are bad; and that they sleep with all the females around them. Some guys hardly remember the names of people around them especially girls. Always come straight forward with your plans about what you want to do with your life he most times will help, if he isn’t interested in your plans, forget it, he isn’t interested in you as much as you think. Never assume his salary is enough, your man needs assistance no matter how much he earns. You may have good intentions and plans, but he needs to see why the both of you are on that boat together. If you are not relevant to the voyage, then you should not be on that boat/ ship with him.
- sacrifices the brave knight had to climb one of the tallest castle towers ever using only a hair of a little girl. Rapunzel in turn had to sacrifice her hair after bearing the pain of a man climbing that high with that entire amour without making a sound. Guys try to sacrifice and change your daily program of wake up, hustle, TV (news or sports) then sleep not remembering her except you are hungry. To make a relationship a successful one, you have to come out of that comfort zone of yours. Showing up sometimes at her office to have lunch together or showing up during weekdays at her house, just to say hi or bring her flowers will really make her tick. Little things like that and turning off your phone or putting it on silent most times you are spending quality time together will give her the impression that you are giving full attention. I mean who doesn’t want attention? Shuffling between the game and her movie may be hard, but sends a good message down her complicated brain. And let her win sometimes when you guys are playing some mind games; even if she knows that you are letting her win. Ladies all men like to watch the TV at night; either news or sports. If you cannot tolerate one that does that, then you are either looking for a fake man or an alien. These give them something to talk about while with their friends and colleagues; the absence of such makes people think they are gay. Let him have the TV; you had it during the day! If you have a program to watch let him know before time, and do it nicely, or better still, buy your own. Besides a little news or sports won’t kill you. Except you want him to watch it outside at that time of the night; now that’s selfish! You can even watch the game with him.
- Space- Men go with gadgets; their TV and cars will always be important to them. You want to get into their life, get into sharing their maintenance time with these gadgets; then you are really making your imprint. Try not to turn off the TV while they watching a game or news; except it’s a matter of life and death. Guys allow her to take that distance trip or schooling; she won’t jump of the boat with someone who has fewer footprints than you in her life; and no she and her ex are just having a cup of tea. Remember never to assume; the more you push to her private space, the more she would move out, far from your reach. Besides you’re not the only one with an eye for good things.
In all, there isn’t really a general formula about relationships, humans are not toys. They evolve and adapt with situations. Trust God above all to teach you about a person; after all he created them.